Our leisure periods are devoted to hitting the links; when we’re on the clock, we’re rehashing our rounds or counting the hours until we return. We occasionally curse its name, but will defend it to the death to any that besmirch it. In short, golf is our addiction.
Not sure if you fall under this umbrella? Here are some tell-tale signs that you’re obsessed with golf:
You use an umbrella to work on your takeaway
Be sure not to click the automatic button when bringing it back.
You can’t remember all your fiancé’s friends, but can roll-call every Masters champion
In your defense, “Charles Coody” is an unforgettable name.
You can’t explain Einstein’s theory of relativity but do know the Stableford equation
You might sound like John Nash from “A Beautiful Mind,” but it makes sense to you.
You constantly find yourself thinking, “This would make a great par 3”
True story: I once found myself contemplating this at a cemetery during a funeral.
You have some serious year-round tan lines
You don’t get that type of burn from playing softball, my friend.
You’ve tried to put ball markers in vending machines
Better yet, they’ve worked!
You watch “Tin Cup” every time it’s on TV
Even if Don Johnson has the swing of a 20-handicap.
You know how many days it is until your next golf trip
To go along with the subsequent emails to friends keeping them apprised of the countdown.
Your first question when planning a vacation is “What good courses are nearby?”
And if the answer is “none,” you move on to the next prospective destination.
You’re that guy being chased by the course employees when it gets too dark to play
Or, if you’re really close with the staff, they’ll light up the 18th green like the fans did for Tiger at Firestone.
You tend to measure time in relation to the golf calendar
“She’s due the Tuesday after the member-guest.”
You always have an uncanny grasp of the 10-day forecast
Which is coupled with an optimistic outlook. “Guys, it’s only an 80 percent chance of rain. That means there’s a 20 percent shot it won’t!”
The screensaver on your phone is a photo of some great golf course you’ve played or visited
As the Golf Digest editors were compiling this list, I thought, “Eh, this seems like a stretch.” Until I looked down at my phone and realized I have Whistling Straits as my background.
Deem “shooting your age” the highest honor one can achieve
If I ever attain this triumph, I hope I die on the spot. Because life doesn’t get any better than that.
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